Hypocrite The anti-drug commercials are finally improving. No more images of little jimmy smoking a little pot and blowing his friend's brains out - somehow that didn't resonate with the forty million pot smokers of yesteryear who are still in good touch with all of their very much alive pot smoking friends. Today, instead, there's the image of the guy in a button down, he's wearing khakis (at least in the DC segment) and the announcer is commenting on how just because he did it as a kid, just because saying to his kid, "don't smoke pot" makes him a hypocrite b/c he knows he used to, it's no excuse not to be a parent now. Hypocrisy - finally something we can all relate to! [ Posted by: Onika , June 30, 2005 ] Training Training at WFM: 16.5 hrs Training at CW: 0 Feeling like a company cares about its employees: priceless. [ Posted by: Onika , June 01, 2005 ] 30 Dishes for 30 Years We got to 23 dishes - not b/c I have age issues! - and I think that's pretty impressive. Here they are: Turkey Burgers Pancakes Salad Crabcakes Pan Tomaquet Prosciutto & Melon Beet Cichetti Fava Bean Crostini Grilled Red Snapper Bread Crab Curry Green Chicken Curry Mussels Eggplant Dip Chicken Meatballs Edamame Arugula Crostini Ginger Pork Chocolate Chip Cookies Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Almond Puff Pastry Expresso Martini [ Posted by: Onika , May 12, 2005 ] $20 and the wrong friends Things to do with $20 when you don't have a car: 1. Go to the movies. Take a friend. 2. Buy herbs, plant a garden. 3. Purchase caramel frappacinos for you and two friends. 4. Treat a friend to lunch. 5. Buy crack cocaine. Episode of Cops 05/03/05 Cop: You couldn't think of anything better to do with $20 than buy crack cocaine? Arrestee: What else are you supposed to do with 20 bucks when you don't have a car? Who not to travel with when you're purchasing drugs before going into rehab: 1. The friend who gets nervous at the neighborhood you brought him into, freaks out, speeds, runs a red light in front of a cop. 2. The friend who, when pulled over, proceeds to list all the places on your body where you're hiding you're recently acquired purchases. 3. The friend who, when pulled over, lists the places in the car where you've stashed other recently acquired purchases. And I normally turn COPS off after Buffy! [ Posted by: Onika , May 03, 2005 ] Gratuitous Girl on Girl Action American television has become a 14-year-old heterosexual male wet dream. I don't purport to have an elite taste in television shows (note: addicted to Charmed), but if I have to view another set of young, taut and fiercely beautiful women looking longingly into each other eyes while their lips begin to quiver with desire...It seems that everywhere I turn beautiful young (often teenage) women are going at it on screen. What's even worse is that half the time they're not gay - they're "experimenting" or "exploring" - like women - often are with each other - drug free - in the heterosexual male mind. Men still don't seem to experimenting - no scenes of Ryan and Seth just falling for each other. And gay men? They're still expressing their affection for each other with deep meaningful...hugs. Having been raised within gratuitous naked bosom of Hollywood, I'm accustomed to women ripping off their clothes to recite the pledge of allegiance more comfortably. Which gratuitous naked body parts will raise my children? [ Posted by: Onika , May 03, 2005 ] looking my faults in the face I just sent two of my friends to an empty baseball stadium. Yikes. Eek. ugghhh. For crying out loud! He called and asked if the Nationals were playing tonight, so I looked it up - on the OFFFICIAL website no less - and discovered that, yes, indeed at 7:35 the Nationals would not be playing. Checking "home" or "away" isn't the kind of detail I would look for. Not to be spiteful or lazy. I just wouldn't look for that detail unless someone asked it of me. Not that they should have to ask b/c "is there a game tonite" implied "at home." He's not some avid fan that needs to cover every Nationals game out there. It's just such a classic mistake of mine that I'm mortified to stare this fault in the face. Sorry... [ Posted by: Onika , April 11, 2005 ] Buying a pan? I've always wondered what's the best pan for blah, blah, blah. Well after discussing copper vs. aluminum and millimeter worth in more detail than I ever thought would be appropriate, beth C. sent me this very helpful (and long and detailed) article. [ Posted by: Onika , April 08, 2005 ] DOP go cry in your own Den of Pain if you have a problem with that! [ Posted by: Onika , April 03, 2005 ] Running to Filene's Bridal Sale In case some bride-to-bes are looking for info on the Filene's Basement Bridal Sale. A friend and I just went to the NYC sale on March 4th and both scored couture dresses that retail for over $2500 & $5000 for $499 & $699 respectively. More details after my wedding day, lest my sweet love check this site. Before I went, I was looking for tips on how the sale was organized and so forth, so: 1. The sale was completely worth it, but it does require patience to try on a hundred dresses in a row without giving up. 2. The brides were pretty kind to each other for the most part-the only problem was before the doors opened when the management screwed up and let people who were further back in line ahead of those who had been there since dark. Even then, the brides were testy w/ mgmt, NOT each other. 3. You can get there early, but you can also get there around 8:45 AM - by that time people have begun discarding dresses and one bride's image of horror is an image of beauty for another. However, dresses start walking out the door around that same time and continue in a steady stream until at least 10 AM. I arrived at 6:15 and was probably the 30th bride 4. There are major design names with many dresses to choose from available - Jessica McClintock, Justina McCaffrey, Romona Keveza, Carmela Sutera... 5. The dresses are purposefully NOT organized so that no one bride can scoop up all of one size or style. (I asked the Filene's Bridal Dress Organizer before the doors opened - having been there since 6:15 AM, I was ready to talk to just about anyone to keep warm). 6. You will DEFINITELY have an advantage if you have more people - they can scout different groups with dresses while the bride just tries on again and again. The fewer teammates, the more time the bride spends asking for dresses rather than trying on. 7. The dresses are priced at $249, $499, and $699. [ Posted by: Onika , April 02, 2005 ] Darn... Ian's leaving. He's the best roommate we've had so far AND a great guy. I'll definitely miss him. [ Posted by: Onika , April 01, 2005 ] Orthorexia I will never be an orthorexic as I view French Fries and Chocolate Chip Cookies as foods that could cause world peace if used correctly. But I'm on the road...self-righteousness...yum! [ Posted by: Onika , March 30, 2005 ] A case for elopement The one nice thing about never posting on your blog is the comfort of knowing you can be upset publicly without anyone ever reading it. It's been forever since my last post - which I thought would be my last, so what could bring me back to blogland? To make a case for elopement. I have always viewed a wedding as a once in a lifetime chance to gather everyone close to you and your fiance. I assumed that by choosing to attend, for it's a choice afterall, that it implied support and consideration. For my wedding, I hoped to join it with another of my loves: exploring a new and wonderful country. And in my vision my guests, who made a choice to attend, were happy to be there for me and my fiance. Now I realize that many would be just as happy if we eloped and took the pressure off of them to be there at all. For most couples, I believe, you choose between having the wedding you want and the wedding everyone else wants. Either way someone is left grumbling, chastising and unhappy. It's only a matter of whether it's the bride & groom or many of their guests. How happy will I be when I look out over many of my friends and family and realize that they would rather not be there? Funny how a time that is supposed to be so joyous and celebratory can become so painful along the way. Hostility and bad feelings are tossed in both directions and we all show up "just hoping to get it over with." July 24th can't come soon enough. If anyone is actually reading this, it's much more ironic if you read "Worth it" or "She was Radiant". Perhaps the real problem is that I love sharing in the bliss of a union that I support. I just forgot that not everybody sees it the same way. [ Posted by: Onika , March 10, 2005 ] Dishonorable till the end The next time you hear me defending any aspect regarding my former employer, please tell me to shut up. There's no honor among hi-profit small business owners. [ Posted by: Onika , December 07, 2004 ] Worth it I don't know what it is about the wedding of good friends that makes me smile inside, but it was worth it - getting to watch K & E say, 'I'll love you forever' in front of the people that matter. Emily looked beautiful-no, radiant-if not a little stunned at all the attention. And though I haven't seen a lot of K, I've never seen him so relaxed. Friends and family danced for many hours to Motown and other songs on the approved list; the cake was the best wedding cake I've eaten thus far; and overall, it was worth it. It's great when you get to go to the union and cheer on the couple - wishing them nothing but the best and expecting even more. It's a private moment that couples share with their friends and family and movies and photos cannot due it justice. Congratulations! Here's one more positive contribution to the union. [ Posted by: Onika , November 25, 2004 ] Friday the 13th or Tuesday the 16th? I don't think I've ever heard of a Friday the 13th going as poorly as yesterday's Tuesday the 16th. Stories of horrible days seemed to poor in from afar as I called seeking a supportive ear. Everyone seemed to have a tale of their own bad day - school, relationships, work and...a friend's house even burned down. Today is Wednesday the 17th and as far as I know Saturday the 14th is never really about any hoopla and I'm hoping today will follow suit. [ Posted by: Onika , November 17, 2004 ] The Red Sea Hmmm...Am I shamed to an American? shamed of what America has chosen? or just out of touch with the 35 or so states that fill up the lands between the bodies of water? Last time I thought him unqualified, but at least an unknown terror. I thought Americans had been led astray by "how bad could he be?", but this time, we knew what he'd done, we can anticipate what he will do. This time, we are fully responsible for his actions. I'm feeling very out of touch with southerners and the red boxes in the middle of the country. While I know that only flying over it is not the answer, I fear what it must be like to live in these communities where W could ever be the moral choice. Tell me you like the way he approached the war. Tell me that you believe the top 1% actually re-invest the 52K in tax cuts back into the economy. OR even, that job performance means little to you. But, please, no, not that...HE'S THE MORE MORAL CHOICE????? gurgle gurgle (sound of me drowning in personal despair of realization about country) This is not about democrats and republicans. THIS is much, much worse. [ Posted by: Onika , November 04, 2004 ] Here's Hoping the Funeral Homes are Prepared The Sox won the World Series. Of course, I may never watch baseball again now. [ Posted by: Onika , October 27, 2004 ] Congrats Sox To Leigh & Shannon- For holding on. Seven more games until the old people in Boston start to die off. :-) Congratulations Red Sox Fans. [ Posted by: Onika , October 20, 2004 ] Forward Motion Things are afoot at the Circle O! [ Posted by: Onika , October 05, 2004 ] Thanks Everyone I've been thinking about it for a while now and I don't know that I've ever had a better summer. From the roofdeck parties to the gourmet dinners, Shannon's Wedding to my own engagement, twelfth row Madonna to second row Prince tickets, it has been one continuous smile and laugh - one right after the other. Last year was one of the toughest of my life (you all know, you were there) and this year may be one of the best. I haven't written about most of it because there was never a way to put it all into words, but I'm going to try. I watched Shannon walk down the aisle into the arms of one of my favorite people - and then I got to live with them both (and to eat their delicious ribs and barbecue sauce) this summer. I lived a dream when Madonna went from headstand into a full walking wheel (yogis know of what I speak here) right in front of me. She glowed as she raced back and forth across the staged singing my childhood mantra, "Material Girl," while Leigh danced into a sweat next to me. That ole lady danced and sang her ass off for two hours and reminded me why she's been a role model for so long: she gets it done when she sets her mind to it. I have never cooked so much or eaten so well without ever leaving my own house. Stuffed ravioli, softshell crab sandwiches, barbecue, the gruyere sandwich thingees and those freaking Maryland crabs!!...there were more, but I can't list them all. All eaten with people who appreciated the wine that went with them, the effort each dish took to prepare and the look of contentment on our faces. Then I was off to see Prince - from the SECOND ROW - perform one of the greatest concerts I've ever seen as I sang along to songs I didn't know I still knew the words to. Our engagement party to say to the world, "I get to keep him forever." So many thanks to everyone who made the trip down to DC when I haven't been up to NYC in way to long (I'm sorry and I promise to visit more this fall). To everyone who made dishes of my favorite foods. To Renee for always saying and doing the right thing at the right time. And to the man who's been there every step of the way. Now I've forgotten to mention some things and people and dishes I'm sure. But they're all with me. Thanks again everyone - sharing all of these memories with all of you has been what has made it all so amazing. [ Posted by: Onika , August 31, 2004 ] Cheated! Why it sucks to be old: Pod People: Duke University freshman received a high-tech bonus in their welcome bags this month: a free iPod, which the university hopes will be used as a tool to record lectures or for other study uses. Do you know what we got as freshman? Heatstroke on move-in day. [ Posted by: Onika , August 31, 2004 ] Congrats Guess who's pregnant? No, not me! That is NOT why we're engaged! A good college friend married for six years: Congratulations Dresden and Alex. I wish you the best with your December expected bundle of joy. Also best wishes to Layne, a childhood friend who also had such happy news to share - her bundle will arrive early next year. I guess that's the difference when you're 29 - the best of news is met with the best of news. [ Posted by: Onika , August 10, 2004 ] tee - hee We're engaged!!! We're engaged!!! He asked. I said yes. Or more accurately, "Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!" tee-hee. I get to keep him forever. I couldn't be any happier. [ Posted by: Onika , August 04, 2004 ] My latest revelation in vino While Jeff seems to have discovered this little caveat years ago, I'm finally really accepting it now. With Noah and Shannon in town for the summer I've been drinking larger quantities of better, more expensive wines on a regular basis because they really appreciate them. And it seems to hold true that the more money we spend, the better the wine is. Barolo Bussia, Aldo Conterno 1996 - the memory is still with me and we drank it two weeks ago. Runs about $75 Barbaresco Vanotu, Pelissero 1999 - it took four hours to open up, but when it did it was worth the $70 or so you'll pay for it. Sancerre - Cotat 2002. At $30 for Sancerre, it's pricey and worth every damned penny I'm trying to reign it in before those numbers start to seem reasonable to me for a good bottle of wine (eek!). Two Thousand barolos are supposed to be amazing. What am I going to do? [ Posted by: Onika , July 27, 2004 ] Jumping the Shark It's a moment. A defining moment when you know that your favorite television show has reached its peak. That instant that you know from now on...it's all downhill. Some call it the climax. We call it jumping the shark. - Jumptheshark.com My favorite show, Six Feet Under, "jumped the shark" last week. Sniff. While I didn't know that that was what it was doing, Jeff informed me of the term, along with a fond memory of Happy Days, and I'm now resigned to watching Charmed until something better comes on TV. It was sad watching David take so much abuse from that junkie. I wanted him shot just for being so pathetic. How often do you find yourself a la Dallas praying that in the next episode they'll wake up and the whole thing will have a been a dream (They erased an entire year that way on Dallas). I know it's television and the writers have to create drama, but didn't they take about a year off to come up with this season's episodes and here we are in Episode #4 resorting to desperate attacks? Wasn't Lisa's bizarre wander-off-into-the-ocean-death enough? Thank goodness for TNT's Primetime in the Daytime. Sad though, I felt like those actors had another two good seasons left before they had to be embarrassed for not moving on to bigger and better things. [ Posted by: Onika , July 27, 2004 ] Sorry It's the summer. You all know me. I try to avoid original thought in too much humidity. [ Posted by: Onika , July 14, 2004 ] Thank goodness for Muppets Jessica Simpson is currently feeling quite grateful to the cast of the muppets. Against them, she's able to do complicated math and finally appear to have a brain! [ Posted by: Onika , June 14, 2004 ] Oversight I did mean to give kudos to Nancy Reagan. Oddly, I've admired her for years. [ Posted by: Onika , June 10, 2004 ] Confronting a demon I'm trying to find out why I'm feeling so hostile towards all of this pomp and circumstance surrounding Ronald Reagan's death. I've found myself scared of public television for fear that I'll have to watch one more homage to a man I don't consider to be great. And I keep hearing people say, "but he was a great man." What was he doing so wrong in my life that I agree with my friend David, who, Saturday night, danced around smiling and singing "Ronald Reagan is dead." To me, he was a founder of many evil ideas. Yes he cut taxes, but he also cut so many of the programs the families and friends of my economic class depended upon. He ended many tax shelters, but after his reign, I felt like the gap between rich and poor was bigger, or at least, widening and more acceptable. He may have ended the cold war and made us the most powerful nation on earth, but what have we done with that power? This is the first time in my 29 years that I've been ashamed to be an American. And our current president looks up to Reagan even more than he looks up to his own father. What am I missing? I'm trying to read up on Reagan in an effort to find foundation for my hostility or to give it up. So far, I still feel justified. I'm told he was a great leader, I just don't know for whom. [ Posted by: Onika , June 09, 2004 ] Dream come true Kind of 'lucky?' I guess? It's rare that you get to experience a dream come true and have it be as amazing as you pictured it in your head. Shannon got to live hers on Saturday and she seemed to be as amazed as she had always imagined she would be. I certainly was. On Monday I will get to live one of mine as a result of getting to participate in the completion of Shannon's. In true Shannon Roche fashion, she went over the top with a touch of true style, and delivered the bridesmaid gift to end all bridesmaid gifts. She gave us tickets to see Madonna. I'll let you know if my dream come true goes as well as Shannon's did. [ Posted by: Onika , June 07, 2004 ] She was radiant Trying to put into words how happy I was on Saturday, when Shannon glowed as she walked down the aisle, towards the man she's loved with everything in her for SEVEN years, is impossible. She was radiant. The weather did exactly what it was supposed to do: look gorgeous in pictures, and everyone seemed pretty relaxed. Congrats you two. I'm speechless. [ Posted by: Onika , June 07, 2004 ] Freedom Yesterday was my last day working at the restaurant. The evening passed quietly - few customers, no mistakes, I don't even think I walked quickly once. I got off a couple of hours early, had a divine hamburger (20% off, nothing more), read a book at the bar while dining, waved good-bye to the staff, hugged one waiter and walked out the door. I could've been a customer they've known for a little while who was moving out of town. I didn't expect anything more. I probably expected less now that I think about it. But still I was disappointed. Now, I am free. When people ask what I'm planning to do, I tell them the truth: cook, go to yoga, hang out on my roofdeck with too much wine and very good friends or my real answer: I'm going to work ONE job and see how that goes. I thought I would be more excited, or relieved, or more...something. Instead, I'm still wondering if there is any way that I could make the place better. How do I give constructive criticism to a tyrant and a narcissist? Over time, I'm sure I'll have more to say. For now, I think I'm just stunned. Stunned that I never told her off. Stunned that I never just quit and walked out. Stunned that people keep coming back because the food is that good. Stunned that the higher-ups haven't yet asked, "K, why has your entire cafe staff quit on you in under a month?" I know she didn't win. I know she has to live with herself everyday and she knows that she's what drove everyone away. I know, in theory, that that is punishment enough. I know she brought out some of the worst in me (sides I haven't seen since I lived in Japan) and I'm better off now that I'm out underneath her reign of terror. But she's still in power, the restaurant continues to get rave reviews, a few members of the staff have yet to desert. Somehow, that is what stuns me the most. [ Posted by: Onika , May 28, 2004 ] You're an idiot Charlene Letter to the Editor in the Washington Post Express 05.25.04 "I am so sick of hearing people try to justify gay marriage. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a hundred times: God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. God said, "Be fruitful and multiply." At the rate things are going, there will be no more multiplying. I guess we'll just resort to the babies derived from test tubes. What a mess we have to look forward to. Think about it people: If we stop procreating, there will be no one here for our children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren to procreate with. You're fighting for gay marriage for your own selfish agenda. Thing about looking into a future when families like yours no longer exist." - Charlene Stewart, Severn, MD. What??? Charlene, YOU are an ass. [ Posted by: Onika , May 25, 2004 ] Introducing...trans-carbs After spending the 70s, 80s and 90s eating too many carbs, America is grossly overweight and now running away in fear of them. Fat, the original enemy, is becoming a long lost friend embraced in a happy reunion. Protein, the friend that was always there when you needed her, is finally getting the positive attention she deserves. Carbs, well, they never should have betrayed you like they did. But the preservatives? the food industry? the additives? The food industry seems to have learned nothing. They continue to miss the point that eating too much of anything and too little of anything else probably isn't that bright of an idea. They are still altering our food to try and get the best taste at the expense of nutrition and vitamins. Now even our vitamins are involved. Our centrum can now help you process all that fat and protein better. I think my one-a-day has even been dragged into this mess. Our milk is being chemically altered to remove the carbs and increase the protein...what's next? trans-carbs? I've sat across from so many of you suspiciously eyeing your 'low-fat' cookie. Giving the evil eye to 'spread' that swears it tastes just like butter without the calories. Well butter is enjoying a resurgence and the transfats in margarine, etc are running screaming into the corner. But we're just replacing them with something else. We still haven't learned anything here. Atkins has a whole line of foods made from a list of chemicals no one has ever heard of when it would probably just be simpler to eat an apple or maybe a piece of whole grain bread with some peanut butter. This is not a country of learning from our mistakes. It's a country of let's pretend like it never happened so we justify making the same mistakes again. I am now getting off of my soapbox. But those of you who know me, know that it's not far away, just pushed to the side for a moment. [ Posted by: Onika , May 25, 2004 ] No problems there today was wonderful. It was an arms up in the air, cheering for the day, wonderful birthday where I got to be indulged all day and everyone was great. Thank you to everyone who wished me well. I realize that I prostitute myself terribly before my birthday, but I love all the good wishes. I love getting to revisit with people. My day, simply, was great from beginning to end. Hurrah! Happy Birthday! And thanks again. [ Posted by: Onika , May 05, 2004 ] Begging the questions After 15 months at the restaurant, what lessons will I have learned? It's strange being part of something that you know is making you a lesser person. Something that brings out all of your petty, obnoxious, and mean qualities. Something that it seems you cannot control. It's even stranger when that something is your work environment. I invested so much energy in being in a good mood today, in bringing positive energy into my two places of work, both of which desperately need a positive attitude. And at the end of the day while I'm not the only one exhausted, perhaps I'm the only one who feels so sad. Has she won? Is she winning? Is the game only in my head? When I start to revel in her defeat, when I find a smile on my face at her little failures, hasn't she won? Hasn't she beaten me at her own game simply by getting me to play when I tried so hard not to? When goodwilled people make you cringe, what does that say about you? When you're able to make goodwilled people wish you almost nothing but harm and no good, who ends up being the lesser person? So far, my birthday sucks. I don't feel like all of that energy was for nothing. I think I successfully repelled a lot of negative energy with my positive attitude. But then it just became too hard to be positive and I guess I cracked under the pressure. I'm disappointed in myself and the world and hoping a good night's sleep will cure all. But my apprehension that it will all just happen again will taint my tomorrow and once again the little idealist in me will sit down and stop fighting the good fight. After all, I'm losing. And I have been for years. [ Posted by: Onika , May 04, 2004 ] I don't think it's me. This last year has been good for me. In my industry, food and wine, I've worked for some crazy people. There was the owner who did cocaine on the managers table (just indited last fall-tee hee!). The owner who told me that I couldn't go lay my father's ashes to rest. The owner who told me she didn't like working with women and if I was going to be a strong woman we would never get along. The coke addict fired me, the strong woman remains the only job I've ever walked out on, and the "No ashes for you!" boss and I parted ways mutually. After a while, I started to think it was me. So when by current bosses said to never ask for a Saturday off again, even if I could work the other five days of the week, I stayed. When they said no unpaid vacation days, no personal days, no sick days, I stayed. Now they're trying to take back a Saturday off that they agreed to before I started working there. Well after a year of taking abuse at both my full-time job and my part-time job, I can finally say, "I don't think it's me." The industry is an abusive one. Now what do I do with this conclusion? This industry is abusive. If I don't like being abused, shouldn't I be the one to leave? [ Posted by: Onika , April 22, 2004 ] No more dealings with the crazy bitch My manager at my part-time job is a crazy bitch. That's the term I've used to sum up her insecure, emotionally manipulative, vindicative, did-I-mention-insecure?, petty, pathetic managerial style. Crazy bitch is just shorter. I just gave my notice at my part-time job. I wasn't intending to when I walked in this afternoon, but after several hours of abuse from the CB, she spoke the words that echoed in my head, "With your resume, you should know better." She was referring to something inappropriate I was doing (leaning against the bar), but the words really got to me. I heard, "With your resume, you should know better than to be working for me." An hour later, I had given my notice. She didn't even ask why, after working there for over a year, I would suddenly quit. She knows why, but who wants to hear that they're a crazy bitch? Last March, I started working at the restuarant under promises that I would get to work on the wine list and help out with training the staff. Late last summer when I requested to actually do those things I was hired for, she stopped speaking to me for three weeks. We both just let it drop and I've just been a hostess ever since. I've managed to distance myself from the wine list that is a running inside joke among the dining community of DC, but I never distanced myself from doing mindless work where I get no respect and have to put up with an insecure, manipulative, emotionally unstable manager. I thought that when I finally gave my notice it would feel better. I would be washing my hands of all the verbal abuse, squinty, pathetic, evil-eye stares, the emotional rollercoasters. But I just feel defeated. That crazy bitch is still going to keep running that wonderful restaurant. She will continue to abuse her staff until they each have had enough and realize that they really aren't getting enough in return to be putting up with her. And now she has a trainee she can warp as well. Sigh. [ Posted by: Onika , April 22, 2004 ] M/P What is it about the manicure/pedicure? It must be the luxury. Can any woman truly justify a need for a manicure or pediucure? I think not. It's pure luxury. And I indulged in my first pure luxury of the season this evening. My nice Chinese lady rubbed my hands and feet while I read People and made chitchat about the increase in business owing to the weather. She shaped my nails, gave me a basecoat and all I could think about was how civilized I felt. The most civilized I've felt in a very long time. My toes will emerge from winter and twinkle at people in my flower slip-ons. My hands will happily shake a hello. It's pure luxury and one I have missed. [ Posted by: Onika , April 21, 2004 ] Things Learned tonite I learned two things tonite: 1. The Apprentice really is entertaining and not just mindless reality drivel. 2. Savennieres (dry chenin blanc some might say, at it's best) goes impeccably well with Basil Pesto. Try it. Yum! (I won't pretend like Savennieres is going to be the easiest wine to find. You'll need a pretty big wine store with a very large French Wine section). [ Posted by: Onika , April 07, 2004 ] Hostage! Now that it's over I can finally talk about it. This is a story about how my prescription was held hostage for 16 days. Otherwise, that Tuesday was a lovely mid-March day in DC. The sun was shining bright, the weather was warm with a light breeze, trees were beginning to bud. I dropped my prescription off, thinking it would be safe and that I would be able to pick it up after work. I went to work - a normal day - I stood around staring into space, I chatted up Chuck and Beth about the details of their lives, you know...the norm. I was first contacted after work. I asked for it at the counter and I was told to call a number. Multiple phone calls (and days) later, I was no closer to getting my precious persciption. My sinuses were filling, my ears itching crying out for the Zyrtec they love. Over the 16 days of waiting, I was allowed visits, but no contact. I tried screaming, pleading, false accusations - EVILDOERS! - anything to get it back. Finally, someone from up on high made the right phone calls. My allergy medicine was released. I paid a ransom - $25, but I have my perscription. I take one everyday. I learned later that it was my HMO that was responsible. I have no recourse for prosecution it seems and I'll never really understand why I was targeted or what they were after. They warned me that this could happen again and that I should be prepared. Now I sit and wait, grateful to be able breathe free and clear. For now. [ Posted by: Onika , March 31, 2004 ] Austrailian wine even I liked Morambro Creek Shiraz 2002. CW $17.99 Sale $14.99 An extremely balanced wine with rich, opulent purple fruit, excellent structure, velvety tannins with extraordinary depth on the palate for the price. They make a cabernet as well that I haven't had, but I liked the Shiraz enough to buy one for myself. I paid money for an Austrailian Shiraz. I haven't done that in years. [ Posted by: Onika , March 26, 2004 ] Wrinkle Free, Worry Free, Gap Khaki Is no one else smitten with the New Gap Khaki? It's free, to do what it wants, any ole time. I think it looks dreamy. I don't have a crush on the guy in the ad. I have a crush on the pants. Rarely have I been so affected by advertising. But the way those pants are so versatile in rain, for business, for pleasure, for play...Is there nothing they can't do? I'm saddened that I can't buy a pair for myself and bring them home to be with me forever. All sad. All true. Gap Khaki. [ Posted by: Onika , March 26, 2004 ] Inappropriate Behavior Yesterday, before the store opened to the public, I yelled at another wine consultant so loudly that both a stockman and the woman from the deli came over to calm me down. He had managed to knock over the entire standing Italian white wine section and was blaming it on bottle placement. On bottles that are stacked the same way, every day, every day of the year. The man is generally considered incompetent by the entire staff. For example, the owner told the wine manager, "Keep him away from customers. And the phone. I don't care what you have to do, just keep him away." Yet, this man still works with me. I just wanted him to take responsibility for the collapse being his fault so that he would be more careful next time. He wanted to blame the placement of the bottles. We were both wrong, but in this industry, both of our behaviors are acceptable. Is it this way, in some way, in every industry? Let me know. [ Posted by: Onika , March 20, 2004 ] The Modern Woman vs. The SuperWoman I no longer want to be a modern woman. I wish to be a SuperWoman. Not a superhero (I'm not crazy), but a SuperWoman. The life I lead now is that of the modern woman. This life sucks. My epiphany came this morning as I attempted to avoid getting rained on while deftly locking the door with one hand, while my other hand balanced hot coffee and an unopened umbrella. After pulling off this balancing act, without upsetting my freshly curled hair, I was halfway to the train station when I realized that I had only two dollars with me. No ID, No SmartCard, No more money. Why? Because I had changed coats and it was just one thing too many to remember. Then I realized that I, a modern woman, cannot do it all. If I were a superwoman, I would then stand a chance. As superwoman, I would have had a sidekick holding my coffee with an umbrella in her hand to shelter me from the rain as my autodoor locked behind me. My coiffure (sp?) would be resilent to all types of water damage and my Superwoman suit would always have the perfect amount of money and the correct identification. So I now have new goals. Although I am still modern woman peon, I aspire to be poised and pulled together SuperWoman. [ Posted by: Onika , March 06, 2004 ] Kudos To New Paltz, NY To San Francisco, CA To the mayor of Chicago! Keep talking, America, we're getting somewhere. [ Posted by: Onika , March 03, 2004 ] Welcome...to Onika's House of Butter After years of being chastised for my lack of a healthy fear of butter, bacon and fat, I was vindicated today by my recent blood tests. My doctor commented that my general cholesterol is a good number. My good cholesterol is one of the best (if not the best) he's ever seen and my bad cholesterol is almost non-existent. "Whatever you're doing, you're doing it right." Pass the butter and another slice please... [ Posted by: Onika , February 26, 2004 ] A few reds Here's the beginning of the list I've been promising since summertime. Some good around $8 - 15 red wines you can find in many locales. Medium Bodied: Badiola - Italian blend of sangiovese (the grape used to make Chianti) boosted with cabernet and merlot to give it more structure. Abadia Retuerta Rivola - think of it as the Spanish wine that goes with just about everything. Fuller-Bodied: Falesco Vitiano - Italian blend of the same three grapes as Badiola, only this time equal proportions so it's fuller bodied. Cousino Macul Antiguas Reservas Cabernet - this might be the best value in Cabernet. Period. (Both 2000 & 2001 are great, but 2000 is drinking a smidge better now) Harder to find, but if you can they're worth it: wines by Marquis Philips or Thorne Clark a very good Austrailian producer, you just have to really like that huge Austrailian flavor. you have to let sublety go. [ Posted by: Onika , January 21, 2004 ] Doh! Since I began attempting to make my own stock during my free-time-filled days of Barcelona, I have been steadily pouring it down the drain after it cools and turns to a mild jelly consistency. Gallons and gallons of stock down the drain in my pursuit of what I thought should be a clear consomme-like solution. Sitting at the bar last night, next to Jonathan, head line cook, we're discussing my problem and he's looking at me strangely. When I ask him how to fix the problem, he looks at me even more strangely and says, "That's what you want in stock Onika. That's really good stock. With the gelatin from the bones. That's what Frank's stocks look like." Doh! [ Posted by: Onika , January 21, 2004 ] Stupid People I hate stupid people. Really, I just detest them. And they breed more than smart people. Sheesh. [ Posted by: Onika , January 15, 2004 ] wry smile I got off at the wrong metro stop today. Not the one after, but one stop too soon. I had not been sleeping. It's only three stops from my home stop to my work stop and I got off too soon. I didn't just get off. I went up the escalator, thru the exit gate, up the really long escalator. And as I rounded the bend to go up the third escalator to the street, I thought, 'funny, I don't remember the station looking like this.' Then I felt like an ass, turned and trudged back down the escalator, thru the gate, and back down to the platform, amazed that I could be so spacy as to lose count of metro stops when I only had to get to three. I'm actually paying less attention than usual! How can that be possible? [ Posted by: Onika , October 22, 2003 ] Content? No way!! It seems I've grown content with my life. 10/18/03 someone remember that date! Things are sometimes great, rarely bad, and generally pleasant it seems. As a result I've had nothing to say. Perhaps I'm embarking on introspection, and unlike usual, not sharing that process with everyone around me. Egads! That's when it's usually serious. But fear not, it doesn't seem to be having any negative effects on me. I'm reflecting and coming up: CONTENT of all things. In high school someone once said he would never strive for being content with his life, he would only strive for happiness. I've always remembered that statement and thought it made sense. But after a few dark months, content feels kind of like a warm blanket on a brisk fall day. So, many thanks to all who've been patient with me. For the first time in many months, I'm feeling optimistic about my future again. Have to remember to not lose sight of that. [ Posted by: Onika , October 18, 2003 ] Shhh... Sorry I've been enjoying the silence for so long. The thoughts in my head don't seem worth sharing and the affordable wines list I've been meaning to put up seems too long to type. But I'm on my way back, so for the two people other than myself who read this thing, I might actually have something to say soon. P.S. We've found an apt. Yes, that's a 'we've' because he's really moving out here. Who would've thunk it? [ Posted by: Onika , August 18, 2003 ] they couldn't think of anything better than... SEABISCUIT??? What self-respecting urbanite can go see a movie called, ahem, frigging SEABISCUIT? [ Posted by: Onika , July 22, 2003 ] 15. A good wife always knows her place. The Good Wife's Guide - From Housekeeping Monthly, 13 May, 1955. While most of the women I know now believe these "rules" are jusitifiably obselete, I wonder how many of the straight men I know secretly wish -just a little bit- many were still true. Wouldn't a lot of our relationships be a lot easier? We'd eliminate all of this long distance stuff with women annoyingly in pursuit of our own careers. When all of these rules went by the wayside, little American girls got new rules to follow (once again, many too extreme), what did we give to our little American boys? These are my two favorites: Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him. [ Posted by: Onika , July 21, 2003 ] Another Sunday completed Woo-whoo!! Another Sunday completed! Six and a quarter days until the next one. [ Posted by: Onika , July 13, 2003 ] Washington Area Metro continues to screw customers It really is the most worthless, piece of shit metro system I've ever had the displeasure of using. First, it does not go where you need it to go. A 30 min trip around the beltway takes 1 hour 20 min with public transportation. Second, instead of being the great equalizer between the have and the havenots it's the great demonstrator of how your life sucks more b/c you can't afford a car. Finally, it was already too expensive for what it delivers with the higher rush hour and increased distance prices (that's the way to convince drivers to stop commuting and tying up traffic!). But at least they used to give you a break if you spent a lot of money. Spend above $20 and there was a 10% addition added to your farecard. NOT ANY MORE. With the FARE HIKES of July 2003 came the dissolution of that little beneficial to the rider program. Each week something happens that makes me remember why I moved away from Washington D.C. proclaiming "it's a great place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there." Oddly, the Maryland suburbs have been much kinder to me than DC. It's much more pleasant out here. Read that again. I think this city sucks so much that I prefer living in THE SUBURBS. [ Posted by: Onika , July 09, 2003 ] "I don't mean to say too bad, but...er, too bad." I'm not making this up to exaggerate a point. I'm not even commenting on it b/c I realize now that I don't have the American work ethic. I missed that memo. How unpatriotic of me to critique on July fourth. Please read another day if you've been overcome with the urge to cover yourself in red, white and blue). Yesterday I was told, effectively, that my job should be my life. I was informed, by management, that after working for 52 5-day work weeks and a few 6-day work weeks during the beloved and feared holiday season (for when there are national holidays that day becomes the defacto day off for all employees, no 4-day work weeks in retail), employees are granted a week off. Not 5 personal days. One week, which must be taken together or paid out. There are no personal days and taking a sick day counts against you (it makes them question your commitment). I've been denied and told not to ask for again unpaid vacation days. Weddings and funerals are the exceptions. I was granted a "Saturday of one week/Monday of the following week" off combination allowing me to visit SF because he always comes to me and that's not fair. It apparently started such a ripple that yesterday I was told that will never be granted again. Please do not ask. I asked "how is one supposed to have a personal life here? Go out of town? Visit friends? reunions? I don't mean during the "blessed fall season" of hundreds of customers hourly, but during the summer months of less than a hundred customers a DAY." Answer: "I don't mean to say too bad, but...er, too bad." [ Posted by: Onika , July 04, 2003 ] Why you give flowers for no reason Two days post Jeff's departure and I'm a bit cranky trying to squash the sadness. Admittedly, I've been taking it out on him a bit over the phone. And in I should walk and to greet me is a stunning arrangement of calla lilies (my favorite flower) and crimson roses with white streaks (so gorgeous together). Flowers have never meant so much to me before. Yay! I'm in love! and feeling so lucky to have him. tee-hee! [ Posted by: Onika , July 03, 2003 ] the restaurant industry grrr... children! (I don't mean small adults, I mean the people who run the places) [ Posted by: Onika , July 01, 2003 ] Aw, bummer, there goes dad. “Another area of concern during this holiday weekend is drinking while driving,” added Mayor Bloomberg. “Remember, the City of New York has a zero tolerance policy, and if you are caught driving drunk, we will suspend your license, seize your car and you will go to jail. Nothing ruins a holiday weekend like getting behind the wheel inebriated, getting into an accident and injuring or killing yourself, your friends, family or an innocent bystander.” -- NYC Mayor, Michael Bloomberg Well yes, that would be a bit of a 4th of July downer… -- Commentator, Shannon Roche [ Posted by: Onika , July 01, 2003 ] June 25, 2003; 4:30 EST Kristina's off to Tanzania. I'm sooo proud of you, girl. Good luck out there. Now, go save the world or something! Here's hoping you can hear my cheers from wherever you are right now. BTW: This is the area of maternal health care she's working in. [ Posted by: Onika , June 24, 2003 ] Is it your buisness or the government's? Suicide, smoking, now, obesity? Are we Americans really too stupid to be allowed to kill ourselves in ways in which we see fit? I have such mixed feelings about the idea of suing fast-food chains for making Americans fat. Didn't Americans make Americans fat? No one pretends that McDonald's is good for you. We just ignore the fact that it's too cheap, quite quick (as long as you're not in the south) and darned tasty. What's next? Potato chips? Chocolate chip cookies (egads man!)? Ice Cream? and where would we employ all those Mr. Softee layoffees, or those Keebler Elves? The cuisine the world knows as ours, American, is "cuisine" that makes one fat. It tastes damned good, but...it makes one fat. Plain and simple, moving on. I am in support of our increased bans on smoking not because smokers are slowly killing themselves, which I feel is their own business, but rather because I find the smoke annoying to me and many people I know in many ways. But I guess that's not why it's becoming increasingly harder to do. Most of you know that I have serious issues with the obesity in this country, but in an effort to blame the individual less (why? I don't know, guilt?), I've started blaming our society as a whole. Can we really blame Mckie-D's? (sp?) Is this not going too far? [ Posted by: Onika , June 19, 2003 ] Enjoy the Silence I know I haven't written much. The trip to San Fran and all. It was, sigh, perfect. I'm still swirling in the reverie and feeling like I really had bottomed out a few weeks ago. Now things are better and I have the strength (and ever important hope) to keep going. It's not taking as much energy as it was before. I'll check in. I'll have something to say again. or at the very least, I'll do something useful, like comment on wines... [ Posted by: Onika , June 11, 2003 ] Summary of my life! Please, please, please read today's (06/04/03) Mitch in Wonderland comic. For those of you who don't know Mitch in Wonderland, it's a comic, started at Duke by a Duke '97 grad, that he has recently started writing again as an adult living in NYC. Sheila's revised schedule of her life made me laugh out loud this morning! tee-hee! [ Posted by: Onika , June 04, 2003 ] Tell me what I want to hear? What the hell has happened to customer service in this country? With the descent of the economy, customer service is reaching all new lows. The American mentality of 'the customer is always right' seems to be flying out the window as supervisors become increasingly rude and keeping your business is no longer a priority. Has the competition suddenly become so weak that businesses no longer care whether or not you deal with them? that supervisors encourage you to write letters of complaint about them to headquarters? This stems from my recent dealings with Chevy Chase Bank that is resulting in my closing my less than one month old accounts. I don't need to deal with agents who tell you what you want to hear to get your business and supervisors who then don't cover their agents' asses when things go awry. I'm starting to hate this world in which people tell you what you want to hear to keep you quiet and sedate and can't back it up when you start to ask too many questions. Is honesty that hard? Is 'I'm sorry about this inconvenience' too much to ask? As a member of the service industry (complimented too often at CW for my customer service making me wonder what was going on before), I'm appalled at the way things are going. I shouldn't be though, with each passing month, I'm realizing how naive I am and how ugly people really are. [ Posted by: Onika , June 02, 2003 ] The best HS reunion, ever! I got to go to my HS reunion last night, in the best way possible: via cell phone. Trapped at CW, I couldn't make it to NYC in time for visual updates of who has become thin/fat, gotten engaged/married, come out of the closet (or gone back in), born a child (how does one of your best HS friends have a child and NO ONE manage to tell you?), or become a raging success in some obscure career. It was great, passed around for update to update, I was there for a little under an hour and the whole exchange filled me with smiles and, due to some non-Hunter related bad news, a few tears. But there was a lot of well-wishing in the air and I never even had to see the people I have no desire to ever talk to again. Hunterites '93 are off doing the traditional professional careers in addition to flying planes, teaching 2nd graders, opening shows on Broadway, touring with the The Producers, assisting non-profits, working in software, you name it. And, of course, there were the speculations of who wasn't there b/c perhaps they're in jail :-). But overall, I had a "fun time last night" and managed to even get a good night's sleep. [ Posted by: Onika , June 01, 2003 ] Apprehended! After a call to apologize for having stolen her car and to tell her not to worry too much about it, Renee's thief committed a burglary with it and was involved in a police chase and an Alabama manhunt (complete with helicopters) this week. He eluded the 'bamans twice, but they don't like to look bad and caught him over the weekend. The inside supposedly smells like a garbage dump and there was a locked and loaded pistol on the front seat, but at least this is all behind us. Kudos to the Alabama police department! and Boos to the Federal Police, who believed that Renee had probably just forgotten where she parked her car. [ Posted by: Onika , May 26, 2003 ] That which does not kill us... After hard times in life, I'm often told, "Well, it will make you stronger." While this is true sometimes, I'm often thinking, "Oh, go fuck yourself, that just made me sadder; a little more disillusioned with the world and what it has become." With each blow I survive, I am stronger for when the next one comes, but what if my spirit is weaker? What if too many hard blows are what make people difficult and bitter? I've been waiting for the axe to fall for a while now. It fell last week and I AM stronger. THIS TIME. Oddly, I feel like things are looking up, my shoulders feel lighter than they've felt in months. I guess I learned something about both myself and the world last week. Then again, ever since those towers fell, nothing bad seems as bad as it could be. Perhaps hardship doesn't make me stronger, perhaps it just gives me a better perspective. [ Posted by: Onika , May 26, 2003 ] Dammit! Mid-eclipse, here I go searching for a moon, that I clearly won't be able to see. Dammit! [ Posted by: Onika , May 15, 2003 ] Point for Public Transportation "The car situation cannot get any worse in this house. Yours is dead, mine is gone and Andy's is broken. At least when your bus breaks down, there's another one coming behind it." -- Renee 5/15/03 after... 5/10/03 My new old car ceases to move forward or backwards. 5/14/03 Renee's car is stolen (with her keys, taken from inside of her locked office on a DC army base) 5/15/03 Andy's engine broke (but only after his window decided it would rathr live inside the door forever rather than protect him from the elements any longer.) And Public Transportation rises from the ashes and laughes a dark laugh at me. [ Posted by: Onika , May 15, 2003 ] Inner Demon 3 : Self 2 It can be so fascinating to watch a person take on their inner demon and every now and again get their ass kicked by it. I also find it interesting to see whether one/I/you come(s) back out swinging or opts for a pause for a commercial break. Good luck fighters! [ Posted by: Onika , May 12, 2003 ] 28 I'm exhausted. It feels like a permanent state of exhaustion that no amount of rest or sleep will cure and I refuse to be this tired for the rest of my life. I'm not unhappy, don't feel depressed or even discouraged, but four days into my 29th year and I'm already looking forward to beginning my 31st. Many people have given me recent lectures on how my expectations of certain "accomplishments" by certain ages do not matter. I'm told that rather than reflect upon why I feel rather unaccomplished, I should simply accept where I have arrived in life. After 17 years of education in which "Uberachiever" gleamed with my confident smile, why do I now get to claim that my expectations must be unrealistic? that all that I have not done is perfectly acceptable? This new approach does make me feel better, albeit temporarily, about that which I haven't done. But it also leaves me feeling unsettled, like this isn't me. While I still disagree with my parents that perhaps I've lost my way, I can at least see what they're looking at that brought such thoughts into their minds. What really worries me though is that my allowance of 28 to pass quietly into the night feels like I pushed the first domino in a line of expectations. As they come crashing down around me will I suddenly be able to see clearly with nothing blocking my way or will I simply see nothing at all? Whatever is there, next year (and the year after that and the year after that), I'm going back to celebrating my birth with pomp and circumstance. I'll face my demons and triumphs like I usually tried to: somewhat liquored up and surrounded by too many loved ones. Because it'll be my BIRTHday. [ Posted by: Onika , May 08, 2003 ] Is it worth the money? Everyone knows this has been stressing me out lately: Is it worth the money? It being living a cool city, it being eating at nice restaurants (for full price), it being all of the things that were worth the money these last few years out of college. I'm starting to feel like I'm losing my old self. Gourmet dinners are still great, but only if they're free. Living downtown so that I can always walk home from the local bars? For the extra 4 - 7% income tax? are you nuts? I also can't justify the extra $1-$2 per cocktail anymore. Where have I gone? Am I just more practical nowadays? I'm not actually any more broke so what is the new cause for this fiscal responsibility? The thought of living in the suburbs still gives me the heebie jeebies, rest assured, but maybe, for a little while, could it be a better option? [ Posted by: Onika , May 02, 2003 ] Stuffed Chix Breasts Since Kerry is looking for a recipe a week, here's a simple recipe I made up. It's good for letting out frustration (the pounding) and for filling yourself up (the eating). Chicken breasts pounded thin (but not so thin that they're holy) sliced prosciutto/serrano ham (about 2-3 slices per breast) gruyere cheese (i don't how much. enough!) pepper egg & milk (start w/ one egg, add another if you run out) bread crumbs (don't use Kosher 4C, they're pasty and bland) 1. Pound the breasts (if you put it between wax paper or saran wrap on a cutting board you can avoid all the flying chicken spray). Lightly pepper the breast. You can also use garlic powder if you like. 2. Spread a thin layer of ham over the breast. 3. Grate the cheese over the ham until it is covered in a thin layer. 4. Fold over the edges of the chicken as you roll it up and pack it in together. You don't want the cheese leaking out as it melts during the heating process. 5. Mix together egg and some milk. 6. Roll the rolled up breast in the bread crumbs, then dip the lightly coated breast in the egg mixture and recoat it with more bread crumbs. 7. I find that if you saute the breast on both sides for about 3-4 min each in a little heated olive oil before putting it in the oven, it gets more brown and crispy. 8. Transfer to 375 degree pre-heated oven for 20 min or so (30 if you decided to skip the sauteing step). If anyone actually ever makes this, let me know how it comes out. I had it with a Vouvray demi-sec and it was lovely. Would also probably go pretty well with a Pinot Gris. [ Posted by: Onika , April 27, 2003 ] First revisit Blinked back tears today as I finally looked at fotos of Barcelona and accepted all that I won't get to do there. No question that I was ready to go when I left or that I have looked back with relief at times that it's over. But a lot of that hostility and fear crossed the ocean with me and only went away with my third or fourth paycheck. Now that I can afford to go out from time to time, without worry, I can see how "it" was more likely what felt like no end in sight to my perpetual knowledge that I couldn't afford the Eu 2.50 vino tinto I desperately wanted. So I look at some pictures and long for those places that don't ask you to work so hard. Where regular dinner with family and friends is expected and life goes a little more slowly. I'm not asking America to change for me, but I'd relish an opportunity to try again out there. [ Posted by: Onika , April 27, 2003 ] Far enough? The MD/DC public transportation system, affectionately known as WMATA, has been the bane of my existence since I started working. Unlike in New York, where the subway is the great equalizer, in DC, it's the mark of the Have and the Have-nots. From the great number of brown faces on the busses, I am just one of thousands of Have-nots (but, oddly, not for much longer). It's been both a homecoming and a demoralizer. Hadn't I come further than this? Did all those years of education and work mean nothing? But then I really looked out the window, having treaded lightly past those brown faces instead of stomping like I did earlier. I noticed that I was riding beyond the projects and the bad neighborhoods this time. I stay on the bus after most of those faces get off, and I exit in a land with manicured lawns, unlocked doors and 3 people to a house instead of an efficiency. Progress? An odd sense of relief? flows. I guess I have made some progress, but not really, so...? Every now and again I'm freed from the chips I carry. My shoulders stay at the same height, but I'm probably a little easier to talk to those days. In May, I'll probably be driving to work. In a free car, back and forth to my free home. Luck? I don't know. My friends mean the world to me, I worked awfully hard for them. But I know I'll pass those brown faces waiting for the bus and want to offer them a ride. We're going the same way after all. [ Posted by: Onika , April 18, 2003 ] $3.50/hour That is how much I am willing to pay to get back 1.5 hours a day of my time. After wasting countless hours waiting for public transportation, a kind soul has offered me a free vehicle, which, with insurance and all that goes with owning and parking a vehicle, will cost me approx twice that which I pay for the priviledge of public transportation. However, I should regain about 70-90 minutes of my life back. Don't know that I've ever been in charge of quantifying my time before. CW thinks I'm worth a certain amount. So does the restaurant I'm working at, but figuring out that cost myself? that's new. Since this newfound time is so costly, I feel like I should do something incredibly productive with it. Given an extra 1.25 hours a day, any suggestions for things I can do with my time that will be worth $3.50/hr? In Barcelona I aspired to make enough money to pay someone else to debone my chicken breasts. Now Renee pays someone to debone our chix breasts. What other activities are wasting my time? and how much will it cost to get rid of them? [ Posted by: Onika , April 18, 2003 ] Joel would've been proud Joel...my driving instructor from two years ago would've been so proud of me today. I, O. A. Williams, successfully parked Renee's (albeit mini-SUV) with no problems. It was perfect. Six inches from the curb a foot on either side. It was so beautiful. And when I ran out to check that it was a perfectly parked car and jumped up and down cheering myself, there was only a squirrel there to hear me. Right now I miss my friends. [ Posted by: Onika , March 15, 2003 ] Risk aversion Transferred to the better school. Juggled all the extracurrics. Dated the white boy. Went to Germany, then Japan. Middle eastern politics? waiting tables with a Duke degree? Date the white man. Move to Barcelona. Now I'm back and I'm afraid. Why so afraid now? age? consequences? pure terror? the economy? Were all my previous risks more calculated than I ever realized? They couldn't of been! I've been fired twice, I'm in debt that's almost unmanageable... This economy and Administration strike fear into my heart. Maybe I just haven't learned how to calculate around it yet? [ Posted by: Onika , March 06, 2003 ] 335 days After 335 days of reflective unemployment, I worked on Sunday. I had to arrive at a specified time, they recorded my hours and I'll be paid accordingly. Next week I begin both full-time and part-time jobs. Juggling bills, living with friends b/c I can't afford my own place or even a trip to NY to say hello to friends long time unseen. Shouldn't I be grateful? relieved? I'm more resigned and a little bit sad. When I sign on the dotted line, my relationship will be reduced to long phone conversations and coveted weekends here and there. I guess there's always next year. [ Posted by: Onika , March 05, 2003 ] That's all she wrote!